she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
