so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
