You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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