I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
