Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
