Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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