Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize