I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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