you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize