dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
