well I can't set my house on fire every night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
