I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
