C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
