Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
