take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
