I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
