Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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