Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
