We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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