No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
