suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
