So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
