R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
