Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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