You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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