omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
