Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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