We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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