I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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