Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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