Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize