And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
