I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
