i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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