Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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