Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
