drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
