so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
