sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
