I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
