apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
