i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
