My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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