weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
