are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
