these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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