I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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