Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
