ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
