we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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