Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize