question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
