have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
