fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
