he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize