He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
