I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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