Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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