so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
