I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
