Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
