you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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