dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
