She's JV to your varsity
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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