I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
