so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Im part way to drunk.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
