He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
