I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
