There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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