My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
