I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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