ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
