How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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