Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is classic penis vs brain.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
